Okay, these are going to be really picky little bits, formatting etc as well, as I figure anything that can be ironed out now might as well be.
Main rules:
Page 20, mutants as a bullet point , I think the subtitle can be removed, just have the line about them conforming to all basic rules etc under the underlined bit. On a layout sense I would sway the wyrd to after the 'basic' mutant options, but that's not too important. On page 21 the BIG mutie bit doesn't have a bullet point like the wyrd and 'basic' mutant do.
Page 20, the two heads entry. 'may fire 2 pistol weapons' rather than pistols, or 'may fire 2 pistols in the...'
Mutations again, why would anyone take chameleonic skin when the eyetalks provide a better ability for half the cost? Swap the costs maybe?
Caustic blood, 'base contact' rather than 'base con-tact'
On big multies, is it worth having the text about selecting a single mutation and extras costing double etc like in the basic mutants mutation bit?
Page 22, servitor ranged combat bit, The second to last line, weapons should be singular not plural.
Page 22 Simple Program and Advanced Program should refer to constructs not sevitors. And I think the ' is in the wrong place.
Page 23, The psyber-familiar should have the same line as the servitor about picking one program type
Page 24, very minor but I think in the description of the chrimera in italics it should be post human rather than pre human?
Page 25, toxic attack, beasts not beats
Page 26, arachnid should have a web pistol not a webber, otherwise they cant shoot it (bs0) and its not a pistol so cant use it in combat (I assume is the intent)
Page 36 Webber is down as a basic weapon but is special in all gang lists I think. Also webbed target in all 'web' weapons should be web rather than webbed target (as its called web in the special effects bit that explains to look in the NCE). They should all also lose the solvent bit as that is per NCE (and therefore covered by web)
More of a design question, why do you have some items (concealed blade for example) saying NCE rulebook, while others such as a clip harness are given full description?
Page 76: the table for ganger equivilants is for the wrong warband... actually having re read it, I thnk its the entire page is referencing the wrong warband.
Page 84, should the stormbolter have a 3 next to it rather than ***, and the sword has a * instead of a 1.
Only got that far for now, will pick up from there tomorrow (assuming I get a lunch break) and continue checking
(if these arnt the sort of comments you are interested in then just let me know and I'll not bother)
Okay, managed to grab 15 mins today, got a few more pages checked:
Page 84: random z under the title
Page 92: if coven get territories like a regular gang then why would they need to canabalise? (if its outlaw only then maybe mention something like ‘If the coven becomes an outlaw warband then they may…’
Page 93: some text appears to have disappeared on the last line, sentence doesn’t end
Chaos coven… the marks requirement to take someone out, it seems very harsh. The combat restriction makes sense for khorne, but slanesh and nurgle needing to do it through combat… why? And why 2 wounds for them and not the khorne one. The tzeentch one is also very restrictive, what happens if he doesn’t roll up a power that inflicts damage?
As noted already, the dark elder have no armoury
Just from noting that the ecclesiarchal delegation has the same rules as the chaos coven (more of less), could this be written/placed once in the main skills bit and refered to, rather than repeating it again (with potential for slight differences/variation where it isn’t needed).
Page 112: special for the militia looks like its lost the end of the sentence.
Page 112: formatting the 2,3,4,5,6, could just be 2-6 on the bomb vest
Page 121: choosing a path for the recruit, should it say they can only pick ranger if the warband hasn’t already got 5 specialists, aspect warriors or rangers already present in the warband?
Page 125: chem dogs, should read as ‘gives all members of the warband except the sergeant access to an injector rig…’
Hope that helps, will try and grab a bit more time tomorrow to hopefully finish reading through it all for a first pass thing
Page 137: same issue as chaos coven on the canabalise rules... outlaw only?
Mutant mobs still seem to have some notes by the author in them (in the cheaper mutations section and the pets section)
Looking back over the inquisitor entry (interrogator), it says human, wheras the mutant mob entry (and most others I think) say non-astates human, is this intentional that the interrogator warband has access to marines or should this wording be standardized?
Page 140: Dregs get +1 to the bs? is this a typo and meant to be ws? or is the slant for the mob to be slightly better shooters in this rather than combat like in necromunda. No real comment on balance, more just that it does differ so was it intentional?
Page 141: the 1 next to sword isn't in small text like other restrictions
Page 142: are the masha type meant to have access to techno, once again no comment on balance, it just looks odd so I query to make sure its intentional
Page 152: the exploration charter mentions increasing investigation twice
Page 152: the xenos one currently forces the leader to be a xeno, is this meant or should it be an optional thing? Also there is a strange paragraph break in the box, and on the unknown charter above
Page 162: the restrictions numbers refer to a different warband
Page 165: the conversions rules could be condensed with the other priests ones elsewhere maybe?
Page 164: starting warband must have at least 6 memebers (total of all the minimum requirements)
Page 172: mentions recurits in the restrictions... this rank doesn't exist. Also the number 2 for Bosuns and captain, make sense for the gunnery sarge to be in here too I think
Hope all that helps. I'm sure I will have missed stuff but that's the best I can do with limited time on breaks
