(pages are based on the PDF page, not the number at the bottom of each page. for the eventual final release, it would be nice to make those match, but obviously that's just cosmetic and largely not important at this time).
page 3:
"trophoes" should be trophies.
page 4:
"none of the modifiers above have ever applied to you" in the outlaw table modifiers; is it intended only if your gang is less than 2k rating, and has never dropped below 1k? possibly also clarify that over 2k and over 3k don't stack. also clarify if it means you've ever done those things, or only if you've been reported in a scenario where you did those things.
page 5:
collecting income: is there any intention to introduce rules for income gained from sources other than territories and foraging? ie do you get full value from scavenged stuff, giant-killer bonus, etc? also, for gambling den, is the drawback also cut in half? are money-related advantages also cut in half (eg getting bonus credits from scavenger tokens). additionally, NCE added rules about injuries and being available for this job. a specific statement would make it absolutely clear that such does not change for outlaws, but is not strictly necessary.
gaining territory: is it intended for an outlander gang to be able to ever capture a legitimate territory, or is this just something you're leaving to each individual gang write-up?
page 6:
starving: do we want any special rules for recovering from starvation, or is it just an instant recovery to fully fed status as soon as fed? also, rather than the end of the post-game sequence, did you intend that extra bit of text about not starving your gang to come into play before buying new equipment and/or members? as it stands, if i'm not mistaken you can choose to blow all your money on equipment and then still let someone starve... not sure if that's intended.
bounty: does this require turning over the outlaw's equipment as well, in the case of captives? (hmmm... i see this is cleared up in the next paragraph on captured outlaws... maybe could be tweaked, but probably not super-important).
captured: possibly clarify if trading captives 1:1 is required (if possible) as it is between house gangs. i don't think this is intended to change the default rule, but it could be read as such.
guild price: do you decide to keep the old territory before or after rolling for new ones? or, in other words, do you get to choose to keep your one territory and roll 4 more, or do you roll 5, see what you get, and get rid of whichever one you like the least?
persistent offenders: this may make it nearly impossible to ever recover from being outlawed if you don't pay off your price very early on. not sure if that's a bad thing or not, mind you.
page 7: scrofulous wastes: ok, wastes already suck pretty badly. is it necessary to make them suck even worse by making foraging so awful?
fungus grotto: "those that eaten..." should be "those that have eaten".
rad zone: i think it would be more grammatically correct for the last bit to read "and no income is collected". but this is not exactly a big deal.
sludge sea: if the ganger (or equivalent) dies, do you get to keep their equipment?
it may also be good to clarify how fixer interacts with all of these things. or, more accurately, with the sludge sea and maybe the fungus grotto (in the case of the fungus grotto, i'm guessing it would be "not at all"). also maybe for the power tap; can you only choose to reroll one of those rolls, or if you wanted could you reroll both? or does it force you to reroll both, and only rerolling one is impossible?
page 8:
blood spill massacre is currently the blood spill massacra
recruiting hired guns: "... wanderers who are willing..." (the "are" is missing).
just a thought, but possibly for gangs that just want to capture people, an alternate version of the bounty hunter might be an interesting addition.
trading: possible clarification as to whether gangs can also trade between each other (if they so desire).
gangers and trading: one instance of "rate" instead of "rare".
rare trade chart: there is redundant information about being able to send more gangers. since you generally strike through anything you remove, i'm not sure there's any point in changing this, however.
possible optional rule: at present, the gang is always offered d3 items. it would make sense if they could forgo that, if for example they know they don't have the creds to buy anything they want and therefore have no reason to even go to the outlaw trading post at all. potentially they could even only want to go for common items.
something else i noticed: as it stands, it appears that outlawed gangs no longer have to care about house weapon lists. it somewhat makes sense, and doesn't remotely compensate for the drawbacks of being an outlaw gang over all, but you may wish to make a specific mention one way or the other (that it should, or that it shouldn't - i'm inclined to think it shouldn't).
page 9:
rumour: possible optional: pay d6 credits to get the +/- 1, or don't pay and you get nothing? only get the rumour if you can afford to pay for it?
tip-off: is gone. not sure if that's really a problem, it's basically the same thing as a rumour anyways. just mentioning.
25: armour - no carapace?
no bionics at all? they're selling to pit slave gangs as well, are they not?
alright, that's as far as i got for now. i'll carry on from page 10 later.