This last 3 weeks I have been fighting against being backstabbed out of my own business, trying to protect some people from some pretty poor treatment and in doing so possibly gambled away (not like in the casino, I dont gamble money or anything really) my entire income stream on a point of strong moral code and principle so I've really struggled to sleep, much less pick up a brush or do my usual terrain building therapy (you may have noticed no youtube videos at all in this time).
I feel depressed, beaten, betrayed, uncertain. The whole works. It pretty much takes all my energy not to look at my kids and get upset knowing that in spite of my moral compass being deadly accurate it doesn't account for practicality of life and more than ever trying to be the good guy has left me emotionally and practically screwed.
I haven't posted here as much because of all of this. Its heartbreaking for me on so many levels that it would take a whole afternoon to explain without pause. I need to post this somewhere because I don't need to keep this bottled up as its getting poisonous and I don't want it to be the thing that sours my personal life by making my wife endure it too.
Lesson for the kids.... look after your own interests first and help people after that. I have a clean conscience but I might have screwed over my family by mistake.