Necromunda Troll vs Clone vs Mad Hatters vs Dumpers

Who do you side with?


  • Total voters
    45

ClockworkOrange

Executive Officer in charge of Trolling
Staff member
Yak Comp 1st Place
Tribe Council
Dec 29, 2012
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Nottingham
The abridged story so far;

March 2018 - The Rightous Trolls resoundingly beat off the Clone ambush at Yakmeet 2018 and took the Imperial Mint mine.

April 2018 - It turns out that mixing Imperial Mint with Red Hive Shroom creates the drug known as Agent Orange.

May to July 2018 - taking rather too much of their own product the Rightous Trolls drop the cowl and show off their new glorious Orange hair in ever greater numbers. The Orange Tide is born.

June 2018 - The few surviving Clones set up the business known as Clone Juice Corp.

June 2018 - Captain 8 is somehow captured by the Trolls. In retaliation for multiple Clone atrocities he is shaved and cloned, his clones are then tortured and killed in increasingly well deserved and well thought out ways. All of which he must watch from his dancing pole behind the Troll Kings mighty throne.

August 2018 - The old leader of the Trolls defects to the Clones.

August 2018 - Both Clone and Troll commence the great vehicle arms race.

September 2018 - The Orange Tide attends its first Tribemeet. The Clones travel literally to the ends of the earth to avoid the Trolls.

September 2018 - Clone Juice Corp releases its first product - TRL-BRU - main ingriediant Trolls. This is seen as perfectly ok by those who would suppress the fledgling Troll nation.

October 2018 - The Clones win thier first ally in Dump. Dump attempts to build a wall to stop Troll migration. Dump also condones Troll genocide.

December 2019 - The mighty Orange Bonnacon joins the Troll forces of enlightenment.

December 2018 - The Trolls gloriously capture Dump by circumventing the incomplete wall.

January 2019 - The first sighting of Captain Clone X shocks the world.

January 2019 - The Offficio Sanitarium orders that the Clones cease the production of TRL-BRU.

January 2019 - Hive Stream Media turn against both Clone and Dump. #trollstoo #trolllivesmatter.

May the glorious setting sun clense you in its orange fire.

@CaptainDangerous let the long war continue.
 

ClockworkOrange

Executive Officer in charge of Trolling
Staff member
Yak Comp 1st Place
Tribe Council
Dec 29, 2012
4,177
11,670
183
Nottingham
Feel free to vote above for your chosen side and pledge alliegence in the comments.

Remember though if you vote for the Clones history will judge you and your Far Hive political views.

A vote for the Clones means:

You side with Dump.
You claim that government departments are out to get you and that they don’t exist?
You are against the Trolls right to nationhood.
You are against free Troll migration.
You refuse to recognise Trolls as a race and condone genocide.
You are working on behalf of big business, exploiting the Trolls for your own gain.
 
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Sethmerlin666

Gang Hero
Yak Comp 1st Place
Honored Tribesman
Jan 31, 2018
1,229
3,804
153
Payneham Road, Payneham SA, Australia
Glorious Hive President Dump, who is also the least anti-trollist person you've ever interviewed, has returned from his brief sojourn away where he was helping to promote new wall building materials. You can see his impressive visage atop grand towers constructed in his name on the Metromorph campaign. Dump is so popular that other people want to use him to help promote their goods.

Here Grand President Dump can be seen (traveling via Guilder Barge, because rich and successful people travel that way) lecturing local hivers on their distasteful choice of colour for their uniforms.

YXDwSp7.jpg


All claims of Dump being 'captured' are Fake News.
 

radulykan

Gang Hero
Oct 24, 2013
1,163
3,373
193
38
Burton Latimer, Northants, UK
I am with @CaptainDangerous and the clones on this, dump is the orangest of them all, surely a troll infiltraitor sent in to ruin the goodish reputation of the clones? To spread lies and hate to weaken the domes defences from with in? To steal resources and give them to the trolls under the guise of building a wall to keep them out? However much misinformation is thrown around dump’s orangeness and wavy hair cannot be denied.
Do not believe the true lies of dumps ministry of truth.
 

CaptainDangerous

Chaotic-good 2nd Company Captain
Yak Comp 3rd Place
Tribe Council
Oct 30, 2016
2,527
8,322
233
Durham, uk
The Captains version of events, mentioned only for posterity, on the conflict with the pesky mutant nuisance known as the Orange Horde - AKA The Truth!
* TribeMeet 2018 -10 year: CaptainClone 00.7 sent to Necromunda to Infiltrate the Guild of Hive Primus.
* TribeMeet 2018 - 6 month: CaptainDangerous himself journeys to the Underhive, he tries to establish a base of operations but is promptly shot with plasma three times, point blank, and is left for dead after falling three stories.
* TribeMeet 2018 - 3 month: 10 clones are made to continue the captains legacy, all 10 beleive they are the actual CaptainDangerous, CaptainClone no1 becomes leader, not through cunning or guile but purely because he hatched first. They spend their first 3 months of life working out and flexing in the mirror.
* TribeMeet 2018 - 3 days: CaptainClone 00.7 now known as GuilderDangerous befriends ‘Papa Troll’, owner of the Imperial Mint Mineral Mine In the then un-named Revolver Dome. After one or two strong wildsnakes and some tough negotiation, ‘Papa Troll’ sells out the family imperial mint mine for an unlimited supply of off-world breakfast cereal.
* TribeMeet 2018 - 1 day: GuilderDangerous buys adjoining body oil refinery in Zone 29. The CaptainClones teleport to the underhive for the grand opening, and free tester samples of The Captains own brand BodyOil!
* TribeMeet 2018 - day 1: on the grand opening, the captains get attacked by rival goliath gang The Deft Punks (obviously well jel!), GuilderDangerous gets knifed to death by the juve Mick Jogger. The Captains try their best, but regret not spending their freshly spawned days learning how to use their weapons.
* TribeMeet 2018 - day 2: Not knowing their way around and completely ignorant of the trade deal prior to their arrival, the Clones head to the Imperial Mint Mine to find out why the workers have all fled their stations. Showing no fear and not seeing any enemies ....anywhere, the captains assume all is clear until some Cawdor Cultists called the Rightous Trolls jump out from their hiding places and pepper the stalwart captains with automatic fire. The Captains hold their ground for several turns but are forced away when captain clone No 1 takes a shot to the arm and No. 8 is carried off into the darkness. The captains find him in a broken state, he was drugged up and forced to sign the deeds for the Mine. A legacy was born. A sad day for Necromunda indeed.
* TribeMeet 2018 - day 3: the captains win an encounter with some troublesome Squats. But in the heat of battle, quite literally as it involved a melta bomb, no.8 goes awol. He never recovered from the addictive substance the trolls fed to him, and rumour has it The Duke led him back to the trolls where he was made into mandrums and a flag pole.
* post TribeMeet 2018: the captains dwindled till only 4 remained. Now led by the grizzled CaptainClone No. 5, the captains discovered a product that is more thirst quenching than recycled water, tastier than freshly rusted iron, and just as addictive as the rubbish, the now mutated, trolls were peddling but without the extreme side-effects (your hair still changes colour and your farts stink of orange, but only if you drink too much) and, most importantly, the supply is now plentiful!
* post TribeMeet 2018 + 6 month: CaptainClone No.9 heads off outside the hive to make his fortune in the Ash Wastes, leaving his Clones in arms to their own ventures (No.5.= Trl-Bru manager, No.6= Distinguished in the music industry, pushing cap clone rap, c-rap for short, no. 7= waste recycling, he broke his captain ways when made horribly scarred from a heavy plasma blast ...he was doing it before the new Cawdor)
....but out of the ashes rises the Phoenix, CaptainDangerous himself was seen chained to the new leader of the Trolls, JR Trollking’s chariot! Some say he wandered the underhive purging mutants and heretic alike, some say he was tied to massive Moiras bedpost and only got free from losing so much weight, but a more likely explanation was that he made his way to the Mint Mine expecting GuilderDangerous to be there, we will only know for sure when he has been liberated from the tiny trolls clutches!
*post TribeMeet 2018 + 9 months: Mystrious CaptainClone X, who was left aboard the Captains Ship (the Crumpet) In Necromunda’s orbit, has heard of the Captains new alive status, and decides that eating pot noodles and toffee crisps isn’t the best way to spend your best clone years, he repaints his missile launcher, steals one of Kommisar Shriken’s Coats and heads to The Underhive, he won’t stop until he recovers the good Captain Dangerous or all the trolls are dead!
Now then ......anyone fancy a Trl-Bru?
 
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CaptainDangerous

Chaotic-good 2nd Company Captain
Yak Comp 3rd Place
Tribe Council
Oct 30, 2016
2,527
8,322
233
Durham, uk
In chronological order...
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CaptainClone No.1, slow cooked to perfection!
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The CaptainClones pose for their only Data image of them all together! Shortly after this was taken, mysterious CaptainClone X teleported back to the Crumpet and GuilderDangerous took them on an ill fated tour of the body Oil refinery!
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One of the Deft Punks watches as some Imperial Mint miners flee from the direction of the Mine!
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Mick Jogger makes short work of the Clones guide and Fixer, he only lasted but a turn, but he will live in our biologically enhanced hearts forever!
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Clockworkorange herself watches the Captains from across the THUNDERCUBE, she doesn’t know the Captains are watching her!
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The last time CaptainClone No.8 is ever seen alive.....
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ClockworkOrange

Executive Officer in charge of Trolling
Staff member
Yak Comp 1st Place
Tribe Council
Dec 29, 2012
4,177
11,670
183
Nottingham
PAH! ignore the Clone maker in chiefs blatant lies!!! This is THE origin story:

“The sorry tale of Agent Orange

Please sit back and pause your typing or moving thumbs, for we are going to tell you the horrific tale of how the deadly drug Agent Orange became the scourge of the Underhive.

After reading this you may wonder why Hivers take such deadly drugs? But when life is this terrible and short who’s to say that a fifteen minute high of this magnitude isn’t the best fifteen minutes you’ll ever have? Would you care what came next when death could be so soon?

Chapter 1 - The first ingredient

Our sorry tale starts in a familiar place. The Hive Scummer ClockworkOrange is stumbling through a rusting ventilation tunnel on yet another desperate search for a Hive Archiotech score.

She reaches a sealed hatch. After much effort, kicking and swearing the hatch hits the floor with a heavy clang. The resulting echo booms through the vast space that opens up in front of Clockwork. She pushes her green hair back under her stolen battered Imperial helmet and lets out a sigh of utter disgust.

Instead of the hoped for treasure, the newly discovered dome floor stretches away in every direction, and is covered in useless red ‘shrooms! The far horizon merges with the ceiling in a red dusty fungus filled haze.

Clockwork kicks the nearest ‘shroom in disappointed anger, in defence the ‘shroom releases a cloud of red fungus dust. One breath of the dust is enough for Clockwork to collapse to the floor in a drug induced ecstasy, foaming at the mouth.

If you are worried don’t be, she’ll be ok, it turns out she is just higher than a Helmwar. So have a good laugh at her expense. However, our sorry story continues elsewhere.....

Chapter 2 - The second ingredient.

Now our Hive story turns to Arjun, a Juve in a “mighty” Cawdor gang known as the Righteous Trolls.

Arjuns blue hood is currently illuminated by the orange flash of his autopistol, his manic laugh mixed with the sound of small arms fire. Could being in a Necromunda gang get any better than this? Surely not! The yellow bellied enemy is on the run!

The Righteous Trolls have just bested the Captain Clones fair and square in a gang fight and now they are going to take their prize, the Imperial Mint mine, with barely a whimper!

Arjun pauses from shooting a Captains retreating back to look at the rusty rattling conveyor belt at his feet.

The belt is full of Imperial Mint, a yellowy white substance much prized by the Hives various drug makers to cut with other products. Arjun stoops to sample the minty powder, but he does not realise how potent raw Imperial Mint is!

THUD!

Again please don’t laugh too much as Arjun hits the deck, he’ll be ok, possibly, maybe....Arjun though has no further involvement in this tale, we must return to Clockworks side for it to continue.

Chapter 3 - The Cook

You’re now looking at a trailer, mobile home or a caravan, it’s imbedded in junk, in fact it looks like junk. Black smoke pours from the pipe in roof. The only door is armour plated, the windows are grated over.

ClockworkOrange has recovered and is banging on the door.

“Heisenberg, I’ve found something! Open up!”

A small hatch in the door slides back.

“Do one Clockwork”

The hatch slams back.

“Heisenberg! I’ve found something that gets you higher than Spook!”

We’ll leave Clockwork again here and move on a few weeks to the inside of Heisenberg’s drug lab.

Heisenberg is mixing powder from the red ‘shrooms with the yellowy white Imperial Mint. He pours the orange paste into a standard STC drug mold.

If you don’t know, STC drug molds are initialled with the letters of the alphabet, it’s seemingly unimportant now but Heisenberg picks out a tray initialled A at random and then the scene fades from view.

Chapter 4 - The first customer

The bold headed, bespectacled, black trench coat wearing dealer is standing on what counts as a street corner in the Underhive. Known as The Duke he has just seen his next victim/customer.

“Oi Dudeo, wanna buy some happy clappy Spookio?”

“Nah man, I need something new?”

“I’ve got just the thingio!” The Duke looks both ways and then opens his hipster coat with a flourish. A long strip of material falls from his top pocket, drug packets are pinned along it’s length.

“What’s this?” The passerby points at some orange tablets half way down, they are initialled with the letter A.

“Now that you cool cat is new in! From the man Heisenberg himselfio!”

“What’s it called?” The passerby known as Captain 8 asks suspiciously.

The Duke pauses, he’s honestly got no idea. He looks at the colour and the lettering.

“Agent Orange?!”

As he says this you hear a dramatic crash of music and the scene fades.

Chapter 5 - Epidemic

In the Underhive hospitals are basically where people go to die and get recycled.

In the Sump they are far far worse, we are now in a dark damp room where concrete slabs pass for beds. Wherever you are though, there’s always volunteers who try to help those worse off than themselves. Thank the God Emperor two such worthy souls work here.

In this horrible sad room the volunteers are holding down the latest victim of the final stages of Agent Orange, the victim screams as the irreversible changes are wrought on his wasted body.

The first known side effect of Agent Orange is orange hair, and whilst weird, many addicts have continued for years in this state with no ill effects.

The second side effect is rapid weight loss, so that it appears the body has shrunk. Most people considered this fairly normal in the Hive, after all many were addicted to something and it is a side effect common to most Hive drugs. Its also not like good food is that easy to come by in the first place, fat Hivers are rare.

However, our unlucky patient is at stage three of the Agent Orange addiction. This is when things get really painful and extremely weird. Faces, heads and hands start to swell up, and many lose their minds to the pain. Some are even left like zombies, the pain being to much for their poor minds to handle.

Stage four victims are functional orange haired mutants, the “lucky” ones who can still think for themselves but can remember little of their past lives.

The screaming stops, this victim seems different, there’s a look of extreme intelligence in his eyes. Maybe he’s made stage four? Is there a stage five?

The volunteers can barely hold him down, just as our imaginary camera backs off we see that his arm bears the tattoo “J.R” and that every other bed in the hospital is occupied by an orange haired patient....

Chapter 6 - The Orange Tide

Now we want you to imagine that you are leader of a gang that has just encountered the Orange Tide.

Their coming! You can’t see them but all you can hear is the thump thump of tiny feet as the masses approach.

As they get nearer you catch the occasional glimpse of orange hair, naked flesh and the rusty glint of poorly maintained weapons.

Your Heavy opens fire as the first of them break cover, he manages to take one of the orange freaks down, but more and more climb over its prone body.

From what you’ve heard you know that this is only the first wave, mindless zombies that will either run or crawl towards your men, screaming in anger, baying for their next hit. The Juve you sent to scout ahead screams as he is quickly overwhelmed and dragged down by the orange mass.

You duck as gunfire explodes on the bulkhead above you head, you try to see its source. It’s the second wave you feared, the more intelligent “lucky” survivors of Agent Orange.

Amongst the midst of the enemy you spy hulking orange haired giants carrying massive weapons, a fearful banner bearing the heads of vanquished enemies, the drug maker Heisenberg and a troll wearing a tatty cloak and corroded crown. It’s J.R Troll King!! You’ve also heard of him, his evil reputation is the latest talk of the Underhive.

You gulp back the fear induced vomit in your mouth, you look back to your men, more to check that they are still there rather than to offer any encouragement. Then you force yourself to look back at the orange haired enemy.

There is a loud stuttering bang and one of the damn orange things blasts into the air on a pillar of flame, the knackered jet pack throwing its out of control user towards the distant roof of the dome.

This distracts both you and your men long enough for one of the hoard to throw a tox bomb towards your lines. Two of your men disappear in a vile orange gas cloud. One stumbles from the cloud choking but apparently ok, but the other collapses to the ground in a pathetic heap of orange mist, for a moment one leg spasms and then it stops moving.

You tell yourself that it’s going to be ok! You can fight your way out of this! They are only drug addicts! You’ll be fine! you suck in air so that you can shout encouragement to the rest of the gang.

But the encouragement dies in your throat. Your lost Juve is alive and running back screaming towards you. He looks ok, he now has orange hair, you do a double take, he now has orange hair! You break and run!

The Orange Tide overruns your gangs position. Vile, orange evil troll things happen. It all goes black with a tint of orange.

Our story ends with a simmering bubbling cauldron, J R Troll King is liberally sprinkling Agent Orange into the orange broth, strange unidentifiable things bob on its boiling surface. As you gradually regain your wits you suddenly recognise a hand as it weakly breaks the surface, boiled flesh dripping from its bones, its yours! In the God Emperors name it’s still attached! You scream!

The Orange Tide will eat well tonight!”