Yaktribe Summer Grand Melee 2025

[MusingWarboss]

Do I have any gold left? Too much quaffing of beer since the last match has left Musing d’Warboss feeling confused.

Plus which of you scurrilous wagtails has been suggesting it’s of the ginger variety???

Name thyself and I’ll wager what’s left of my golden currency against you in your next bout!!

 

[CaptainDangerous]

Everything is updated in post #2
You have 1 chest of gold good sir, you maybe havnt been drinking as much ginger beer as you think? …or you’ve brought your own to avoid paying the castle’s very reasonable, not at all too expensive, I mean where else can you go it’s a castle in the middle of nowhere, bar prices? Squires, keep an eye on this one!

 

[CaptainDangerous]

Something(else) iv forgotten:
sir @radulykan and sir @Pagumb
On winning your opening rounds, you have each received a boost which can be +1 to one of the following: Attack, Defence, Speed or Toughness

Sir @ClockworkOrange im pretty sure you said toughness?
Sir @MedMos you said defence?
And Sir… oh it was a squire, a red one too, nothing for you!

 

[Stoof]

Sir Stoof attempts to make some coin singing little ditties in the atrium.

"Sir Clockwork of Red
The orange of head
Kicked the arse of Pun-ky

That lost my my cash
The querulous ass
Could barely fight a don-key"

 

[MedMos]

I said attack! Twohanded Death-Attack! In thy face!

 

[Biggle_Bear]

One chest on sir clockwork orange against sir punk! I’ve failed to assassinate his named character often enough to know that he is the safe bet.

 

[ClockworkOrange]

Behold with my loot the local Bard, Ai is his name, has written good Sir Clockwork a jitty! it’s a real spur spinner too!

“Sir Clockwork, with a steady and focused gaze,Met Sir Punky, with all his flamboyant ways. No shining sword, no magical spark,
Just brawn and grit, in the moonlit dark.

A foul stench preceded Punky's advance,
A whiff of neglect, by pure happenstance.
Unwashed and unkempt, a truly rank foe,
But Clockwork stood ready, to strike a firm blow.

Punky struck first, a fancy, quick blow,
But Clockwork deflected, swift and low.
A calculated jab, a forceful sound,
As Punky's flailing fists began to be bound.
With powerful blows, a relentless might,
Clockwork pressed on, unwavering in the fight.

Punky stumbled and swayed, his bravado turned pale, Against the precision of Clockwork's strong trail.

At last, a final thud, a decisive sound,
Sir Punky lay vanquished, upon the cold ground. Sir Clockwork stood tall, triumphant and grand. The undisputed victor, in this hand-to-hand stand”

 

[CaptainDangerous]

*the audience applause for the two knights, impressed by their high spirits before the coming battle, however, they just assume it is a team performance and all throw coins into Sir Stoof’s upturned helmet, enough to fill half a chest*

Sir Stoof gains

 

[CaptainDangerous]

Sir Biggle, you do realise the coming fight is a team battle, and you’ve just bet against your own team??
This has troll shenanigans written all over it!?!

 

[ClockworkOrange]

House Dark Orange sneak from table to table offering our best tidings, true party DeKnights squires and all, oh and hard gold to take a fall…

 

[Stoof]

Sir Stoof whisks his helmet full of cash to the Clerk of Wagers and puts it on Sir Clockwork & the Reds to win the next fight, betting on his own team - a bold move!

 

[Punktaku]

Sir Punky D'Honored quietly sharpens his blade and polishes his helm to a brilliant green shine. Those beslubbering common-kissing bum-bailies will rue this day! They will regret their foul words! He washed! When necessary. It just wasn't always necessary.

If only his personal squire Grr were here. He would sing The Doom Song and lift Sir D'Honored's spirits. Those saucy rough-hewn strumpets will taste his steel in the next match!

 

[MedMos]

Hmm, it seems Sir Punky might be very motivated for this fight... Two bags of gold on the greens! And my last bag to buy a treasure chest, for all the winnings! Huzzah!

 

[CaptainDangerous]

Um.. punky is the blues, but I know which team you mean! Also, the gold already comes in the chests, so you can pick something else to lavish your common room if you like?

 

[MedMos]

Ah, it was Sir Punkys mention of a green shine on the helmet that threw me. On the blues, then!
And I guess it'll have to be a throne.

 

[CaptainDangerous]

iv put it in your very own room in the black tower!

 

[Biggle_Bear]

Sir Biggle, you do realise the coming fight is a team battle, and you’ve just bet against your own team??
This has troll shenanigans written all over it!?!

Yeah but my bet is specifically against them two. I assume that with my teddy mighty was I will carry the team!

 

[MusingWarboss]

Squires, keep an eye on this one!

I’d say “a pox to your flap-mouthed squires” but I hear they already have it.

Hmm, as that yeasty foot-licker Sir Punky has dared to wear a green helm, it is tempting that team Vert should stake gold against the Azure for the insult!

Perhaps when we have enough gold we should buy a door to keep the stench of these knaves out of our glorious Green Room!

 

[radulykan]

As is my way, ATTACK! ATTACK! ATTACK!

 

[CaptainDangerous]

The Clash in the Flooded Halls

The walls dripped, the floor was a mire, and echoes of steel rang through the ruins.

⸻

Opening Salvos
Sir Punky opened with a cleaving arm strike at Red squire Beta, who caught it on his blade with a ringing parry.
Sir Trafalgar followed with a quick slash, forcing Sir Stoof to leap back into the shadows of a broken archway.

Meanwhile, Sir Biggle targeted Red Squire Alpha with a sharp leg cut — Alpha replied with a low thrust, but Biggle’s low parry turned it aside.
Blue Squire Gamma aimed a head slash at Red Squire Beta, but Beta’s counter arm cut swept the air as Gamma rolled away.
Blue Squire Delta tried a leg cut on Beta, only to meet an arm hack counter — and neatly parry it right.

⸻

First Blood
In the slick gloom, Sir Clockwork burst forward in a frenzied flurry ending in a leg slash at Blue squire Gamma, who parried cleanly.
Red squire Alpha swung a punch at Sir Trafalgar, only to draw an arm slash in return — parried right.
Red squire Beta drove in with a leg cleave against Sir Trafalgar, but the knight counter-lunged at the chest. Beta failed the low parry, the point driving in for 3 damage — Beta dropped his sword and yielded.

⸻